Sunday, 6 October 2024

10:52 - It’s my mom’s birthday. She and my dad are taking a longer weekend to relax a bit. We speak on the phone for 13 minutes. She’s been having strong pain in her head and neck in the past few days, but today it was a bit better.

16:25 - My dad calls. I instantly had a bad feeling about this. We don’t talk often, and as I had talked to my mom earlier that same day, there would be no reason for him to call unless something’s up. He tells me that mom collapsed out of nowhere and they were flying her to the hospital in Göttingen (where I lived). It doesn’t sound good. He sounds emotional. The only time I’ve ever seen him emotional like that was at his mother’s funeral.

17:01 - Dad calls again. Mom arrived at the hospital. I leave the house quickly, even though it was obvious that it would take some hours before we would know anything.

17:20 - I arrive at the hospital and they tell me to wait in the emergency room waiting area. There are very few people there, though it fills up a bit throughout the evening. A guy broke his arm while skateboarding. A kid hurt his hand. A girl has a broken foot and her phone is out of battery, so she has to ask the front desk to us their phone (I almost offer her the portable battery that I brought). I’m waiting.

19:08 - Still no news, but my dad arrives at the hospital, and they tell us a doctor would meet us soon.

19:30 - The doctor talks to us. They are doing an emergency brain surgery. She has major bleeding in her brain. She tells us that the chances are low, but they are doing everything they can.

19:48 - I call my brother and he’s on his way. I’m not sure why I’ve waited this long. I guess I wanted to have more information on the situation before calling.

21:57 - I’m thinking that it’s time to wake up from this nightmare.

22:10 - We are led to the intensive care unit. It sounds like mom survived the surgery, but they don’t tell us anything yet.

22:40 - The doctor who operated on her talks to us. Mom had a ruptured aneurysm in her brain which caused bleedings, which then slowly increased the pressure on her brain, which then caused her to lose consciousness. It’s extremely likely that the rupture caused the strong pain in her head and neck that started a few days earlier. They were able to control the bleeding and she is, for now, stable. They can’t tell us anything about the impact of this on her cognition until she wakes up, which won’t happen for a while.

We go see her. They had to remove part of her skull to do the surgery and remove the pressure. She’s attached to a lot of devices. But at least she’s alive.

Midnight - I return home. I walk, even though I have my bicycle with me. I talk to Johanna and Helmut on the phone. They are my main emotional support. I’m extremely grateful to have them in my life.

There’s a lot of uncertainty in the days following the surgery. Different people tell us different things. It’s an emotional rollercoaster.

I lean a lot on my friends throughout the next few days, weeks, and months. I don’t know what I would have done without them. Every single conversation, every single hug, helped a little bit.

About a week after surgery, we finally talk to a doctor who has been seeing and caring for my mom for most of the week. She tells us that mom’s stable, but things will take time, potentially weeks and months. But she also tells us to be hopeful and optimistic. Mom is still young - she only turned 55 on the day of the incident. No pre-existing conditions.

The situation doesn’t change much over the next few weeks. At some point, she “wakes up”, though she’s not responding to input and just stares into space. Occasionally, it feels like she’s looking at us. But that’s the extend of it. They move her to a rehab clinic further away, making it harder for us to visit.

It’s now Saturday, 21 December 2024, and I’m on my way home from visiting her, currently at a hospital in Erfurt for another surgery. I won’t see her again for a while. Possibly for half a year or so. I’m moving to Norway soon. More on that another time.

2024 has been a tough year for my family. In additional to this incident, my beloved grandma died at the proud age of 90 in the summer. I guess I’ve been lucky for the past 15 years, where there hasn’t been any major loss in my life.

6 October 2024 was likely the worst day of my life. However, I’ve also had some of the best days of my life in 2024. They were things that hurt a lot. But there are also lots of things to be grateful for. And there are lots of things to look forward to in 2025.

I hope you are all doing well.